Search Self-Insert

Biyernes, Abril 4, 2014

"Pinsan Mo May Scandal Sa Pechay.com"

"PINSAN MO MAY SCANDAL SA PECHAY.COM!"


"A SHORT INTRODUCTION!"


Oh fucking dear. It took me thirty minutes to think up a meaningful title to this new blog (I forgot the password to my older account). I thought at first that I should come up with something striking, something profound, or something that reflects my personality as a whole.

"Blood on Silk."
"The Silver Lining."
"A Penny for Your Thoughts."
"A Soul Unchained."
"I Once Took Out My Pen to Write."
"A Soul's Voice."

. . . and I end up with "Self-Insert."

From what I know, a self-insert fic is a subtype of fanfic where the author, or an idealized equivalent of himself/herself (called a Mary Sue), is inserted as a character into the canon universe. For instance, the author himself/herself becomes a super-mega-talented wizard at Hogwarts, or becomes a super-mega-talented Titan-slaying member of the Survey Corps.

Obligatory Shingeki no Kyojin pic, with the Colossal Titan feasting on a sumptuous Pizza Hut pizza.
Because making sense shouldn't get in the way of some good ol' product placement.
But, this may lead you to ask this question: Why on earth did I pick that title? 

The answer is simple. One of mankind's greatest minds, Mr. Relativity, Albert Einstein, once spoke this remarkable gem, "Choosing a good title for a blog is, in itself, an art." So, of course, as a true believer in this art, I think that it is a most noble duty to ponder on the facts, dwell on possibilities, and find new paths and discover potentials that may come my way in so doing.

. . . and most definitely NOT because I suck at thinking up good titles.


"Get your shit together, you little bitch"--Albert Einstein, too.
No, seriously. The title "Self-Insert" is a very profound choice--it is what defines me as a young man full of ambitions, a wild dreamer who couldn't voice out his grander thoughts to a cold, uncaring world--resorting to the art of weaving letters and words to mold his soaring thoughts into one coherent symphony. I want to reach out to more people, to the sea of strangers out there--I want to reach out to my friends and family . . . and to myself. It's exactly what it says on the tin. I like inserting myself into people.

. . . damn, that came out so wrong.


"DO YOU EVEN BLOG, BRO?"

To tell you the truth, ladies and gentlemen, I'm writing this piece entirely from scratch. No, it's not some kind of bragging, because it just shows that I'm such a stupid creature who can't bring his ideas together. I don't have anything much to do for the time being, so here I am, trying to get back to blogging after a short fling with it last year. I'm not entirely sure whether this new blog will last, either. I just can't seem to remember my passwords for my email accounts, and I also easily give up on things a few seconds after I start them. My last blog, Sawsawan ng Proben, died out after about six entries. I'll try beating that record this time. This time, it'll be SERIOUS!

"Lol wutevr XD"--Albert Einstein again, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, I don't really know how to write blogs. Some say it's like a diary, or some form of journal--an outlet to get all your shit off your head. Some use it to share their fun, exotic adventures out of town or in some really cool places inside the country; some use it to share mouthwatering recipes, or perhaps, endorse some little-known but really good restaurants or shops; and some use it to vent about the teacher who just flunked them hard, or hint at their crushes . . . who may not be even aware that they exist.

But we must face it.
Which of these will I be, in this little blog I'm putting up? I guess I'm the one that would use it for all its worth--as I've said, getting my shit down for all the internet to see . . . or whoever cares enough to look into this blog. And I've got a whole lot of shit to say, like any weird, literature-inclined teenager. And I'll use this blog to paint a world as perceived by these immature eyes.


"SO, UH, ARE WE, LIKE, GETTING TO THE POINT YET?"


Now, hold your horses, will you.

"Am I doing this right?"
This story I'll tell you is one I am sure many can relate to: fucking prank texts and chain messages, or as I'll call it for simplicity's sake: S.H.I.T (Stupid and Hellishly Idiotic Texts).

Normally, my phone's main purpose is to ring loudly every 4:00 AM to wake up the sleepybones that is me. I usually don't use it for texting people, since I deem it is rather frivolous, and I find it beneath me to engage in worthless conversation with people not of my intellectual stature.

Kidding. It's simply because I never have prepaid load to text people with . . . and no one cares to text me. :'(

That is why, every time my phone rings to notify me that I have new messages, I am always intrigued as to whose kind soul it was that graced me with his/her correspondence.

So I click the button for 'Open'.

Unknown number. Intrigued, I read the message.

"Pinsan mo may scandal! nsa pechay.com anobayan nkkhiya pamilya nyo ambababoy nyo umayos kyo!!"
 Heh. I guess it's not only I who have already received that message. It makes me wonder: what else does this sender do for fun in his worthless life? What is his concept of happiness? What aim does he try to achieve in so sending? Is spending all that money to buy load with which to send it worth it? These things baffle me time to time.

And my cousins' ages range from 7 to 16. My god, don't even think about it, you.

Another classic one, as you may know, is the text where an unknown number notifies you of "winning their weekly draw's grand prize," most commonly cash or a car, sometimes even dropping names of well-known celebrities, such as hosts of TV game shows--even if you know yourself that you didn't participate in any text raffle shit. You know, personally I've won two cars, a sari-sari store showcase, and over a million pesos now from all those spurious text raffles. If they really were legit I would've been able to buy myself a really sweet lifetime supply of the hallowed ambrosia of the gods, i.e. proben.

Proben? More like Heaven, in all its oily, greasy splendor!


I am saddened by this. Depressed, even.

Life is full of disappointments.


"I HOPE SHE'S FUN TO BE AROUND WITH!"


But even if there were people who do not want to talk to me, I guess there's someone who won't mind the trouble of personally visiting me. Look at this little gem I found:

I'm significantly more bothered by the stupid way it's written.


"IT'S FREE, AND FOREVER WILL BE."



Moving on, I've also seen lots of hoaxes about Facebook closing down, Facebook beginning to charge people for site usage, or deleting inactive users to make way for more. There are even posts that append that you must forward the message so that Facebook will know you're still an active user and not delete your account. I myself have never forwarded these things, but I guess, no matter how old and cliched the hoaxes are, some people are still stupid enough to bite the bait.

My thoughts on the matter, in a nutshell.

And, you know, sometimes gullibility is harmful. Sometimes, malicious URLs are attached to these circulated messages, disguised as "protest pages" that you should join to, er . . . protest the fees Facebook will allegedly begin to implement. These URLs may download viruses or other malware into the user's computer system, and may do damage to its contents. Thinking a little before clicking wouldn't hurt, now would it?

Though I guess some people on the Net don't have brains to think with.



"1 LIKE = $1 DONATION FROM FACEBOOK, MY GLORIOUS ASS."

I guess attention-whores, share-whores, like-whores, comment-whores, and all the rest of social networking whoredom rarely run out of ideas. One of the oldest tricks in the book, the Sick Child is one of the most disgusting types of chain message, at least in my opinion. It plays on both the heartstrings and the ignorance of whom it is shared to, and it is also a mockery of the situation of the poor kid in question.

How some people may think it works.


Take for instance the plight of this 9-year old girl, victim of a nefarious gang rape in Pakistan. While her situation is real, that all Facebook companies agreed to donate money for each 'like' or 'share' the photo receives is a big, fat lie.

The premise, in itself, is very, very wrong. Think, people, just think: if Facebook agreed to donate money for the poor kid's recovery, how inhumane and stupid would it be for them to go garner likes/shares first before sending much-needed help to the family of the afflicted! 

Some guy at Facebook: Oh my gosh, we must help this sick kid!
 Another guy: But our picture hasn't gotten any likes yet!
First guy: Oh well. *eats popcorn* 

 Sharing it this way, I think, is only adding insult to the injury. It is true that sharing the pic to garner sympathy is good and all, but sympathy is not getting the bills paid. When you click 'LIKE,' does it not mean that you're basically gloating over the situation the kid is facing? Because you just gave the poor gang-raped/cancer-ridden/prematurely born child a THUMBS-UP, for crying out loud.

This gif is so fitting for so many situations.
I guess the least we can do for those kids is not a lousy 'like,' or 'share,'--because that derisory effort you put in pressing the mouse just shows how much of a shitty human you are--is an earnest prayer.


"A SUMMARY . . . I GUESS."


So what does this add up to? What does this show?

Does it mean that we as a species are growing dumber and dumber by the hour? Are we becoming shitty citizens (. . . shitty-zens?) of the world as time goes on? This leaves us with a giant question mark.


Now share this blog to ten people in the next 24 hours or you'll have bad luck for the next seven years! This isn't fake!

2 komento:

  1. I really like your way of impeccable way of writing maester: forming coherent sentences using labyrinthine words while abiding by the tenets of a true master of literature, and lacing it with farciful lines that make it the more interesting it already is. I enjoyed it. :)

    TumugonBurahin